Don't get it twisted just because my smile is nice
I signed up for the war not once but twice
When I went to Iraq I dodged death and it's stunts
but when I got home I smoked blunts and stayed drunk.
Now I can't sleep and I'm messed up in the head
I wake up having nightmares and I keep pissing the bed.
I talk in my sleep and I walk in my sleep
instead of counting the sheep I think of killing the sheep.
People tap me on the shoulder, I think I'm being attacked
So I a ball up my fist because I don't know how else to react.
I get really depressed, I never used to be this way
It's a struggle for a brotha to live day by day
Don't say you love me because you think you know me
if you got love for the troops then you better show me
I am 35 and I at least want to see 35
I don't want to be popping pills for the rest of my life.
I want to win in this game of survival
Will I live for the rose or will I die by the rifle?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Closure Prt 2
This is the part where we finally get it settled
Baby gurl, with the curls, nothing in the world
will make it better.
The love letters were heavenly
but I don't understand how my love
could turn you into my enemy.
The first time you put your hands in mine
remember the walk that we took in New York
and the subway rides.
You said our love was magnificent
You said "let me keep your shirt and your hat"
Because you liked the smell of them.
The Christmas gifts from Iraq
Became the source of my broken back
I gave you my heart and you threw it back.
You said that you were with friends
that's why you couldn't talk to me
But then your friends called me
and I found out that you lied to me
El Sol,
La Luna,
y Los Estrellas
This is what I gave to you
and you gave it away to other fellas.
The way we kissed was like spring time
the way we loved made a brother commit
to one day give you "Ring Time"
"Walking lonely and I'm finally done"
you weren't the one
"Now my new journey is to find the sun"
The fresh start is much brighter girl
I don't hate you...I can't
I am a lover not a fighter girl.
Let's take a chance at ammends
I got my closure
so let's hug, or shake hands and be friends
You can't got through life being mad
at the ones who hurt you
even though they hurt you bad
Is the lesson that I had to learn
I got my heart stomped
ripped to shreds and finally burned
And I still have more love to give
I can have another chance at love
But only one life to live........
You can do what you want when you read this
Because the day will come when you yourself will need this
After all this time, I just want to say
Thank you for making my heart stronger
and producing the man that people see today.
I'll keep smiling today and after the next
because nice guys don't finish last
They finish the best.
Baby gurl, with the curls, nothing in the world
will make it better.
The love letters were heavenly
but I don't understand how my love
could turn you into my enemy.
The first time you put your hands in mine
remember the walk that we took in New York
and the subway rides.
You said our love was magnificent
You said "let me keep your shirt and your hat"
Because you liked the smell of them.
The Christmas gifts from Iraq
Became the source of my broken back
I gave you my heart and you threw it back.
You said that you were with friends
that's why you couldn't talk to me
But then your friends called me
and I found out that you lied to me
El Sol,
La Luna,
y Los Estrellas
This is what I gave to you
and you gave it away to other fellas.
The way we kissed was like spring time
the way we loved made a brother commit
to one day give you "Ring Time"
"Walking lonely and I'm finally done"
you weren't the one
"Now my new journey is to find the sun"
The fresh start is much brighter girl
I don't hate you...I can't
I am a lover not a fighter girl.
Let's take a chance at ammends
I got my closure
so let's hug, or shake hands and be friends
You can't got through life being mad
at the ones who hurt you
even though they hurt you bad
Is the lesson that I had to learn
I got my heart stomped
ripped to shreds and finally burned
And I still have more love to give
I can have another chance at love
But only one life to live........
You can do what you want when you read this
Because the day will come when you yourself will need this
After all this time, I just want to say
Thank you for making my heart stronger
and producing the man that people see today.
I'll keep smiling today and after the next
because nice guys don't finish last
They finish the best.
The Closure Prt. 1
It's about that time to write again
Return of the main attraction, Put the S back on the chest again
It's been a long hyatus
The summer break goes down as the greatest
Now back to the up to date-ist
You know who you are
my highschool and shining star
after all this time I got to see who you really are
Your still the chick that I dig and I miss
especially how we kissed, girl I like to reminiss
But what's in the past is dead
Now it's time for my love and my smiley face to move ahead
"Starlight starbright may the first star that I see tonight"
Keep shining in those earings I gave you that night. (Your smile is beautiful)
Hopefully these words will give me closure
After eight years of marriage, 4 good and 4 years of torture
Damn
Our little girl is beautiful,
But I got's to get on and find a woman that's more suitable
Not that the house wasn't clean
You just kept it dirty, while I kept being the man of your dreams
Between the bombs and the Islam
I just wanted to come home from war and find my home calm
It's all good cause my word is bond
You used to be wifey now your just my baby's mom.
This last verse is the one that hurts the worst
Some say love is a cure
but in this case it was the curse
You kept it friendly when we first met at Denny's
You like how I did my thing
But you loved "Doing Many"
You told me to write you
you never wrote me back
You told me to call you
you never called me back
You couldn't pick up a pen or a phone
when you were just prone to living life on your back.
You see ladies, you say you want a good man
but what good is a man if you are not good to your man.
That grass that you think is green on the other side
It's not really green, it's just the green that's in your eyes
You like my smile cause it's great
You like my style and my shape
But that's not what it takes
To get a man like me
I need a woman that Really needs a man like me
I know that you all are listening
So to the honest honeys for you my smile is glistening.
Return of the main attraction, Put the S back on the chest again
It's been a long hyatus
The summer break goes down as the greatest
Now back to the up to date-ist
You know who you are
my highschool and shining star
after all this time I got to see who you really are
Your still the chick that I dig and I miss
especially how we kissed, girl I like to reminiss
But what's in the past is dead
Now it's time for my love and my smiley face to move ahead
"Starlight starbright may the first star that I see tonight"
Keep shining in those earings I gave you that night. (Your smile is beautiful)
Hopefully these words will give me closure
After eight years of marriage, 4 good and 4 years of torture
Damn
Our little girl is beautiful,
But I got's to get on and find a woman that's more suitable
Not that the house wasn't clean
You just kept it dirty, while I kept being the man of your dreams
Between the bombs and the Islam
I just wanted to come home from war and find my home calm
It's all good cause my word is bond
You used to be wifey now your just my baby's mom.
This last verse is the one that hurts the worst
Some say love is a cure
but in this case it was the curse
You kept it friendly when we first met at Denny's
You like how I did my thing
But you loved "Doing Many"
You told me to write you
you never wrote me back
You told me to call you
you never called me back
You couldn't pick up a pen or a phone
when you were just prone to living life on your back.
You see ladies, you say you want a good man
but what good is a man if you are not good to your man.
That grass that you think is green on the other side
It's not really green, it's just the green that's in your eyes
You like my smile cause it's great
You like my style and my shape
But that's not what it takes
To get a man like me
I need a woman that Really needs a man like me
I know that you all are listening
So to the honest honeys for you my smile is glistening.
Theme Week 16 "Closure"
This course has presented me with situations that provoked much inward reflection. There were moments when the assignments asked me to do more than write; the assignments asked me to look at myself and accept the image that I see.
The image that I would see was not perfect, but was continuously being perfected by accepting the sum total of painful parts that would make me whole.
This creative writing course guided me through being exposed, naked and vulnerable as my past and imperfections provided a platform for me to be introduced to Marlon P. Weaver. I now have the stregnth to deal with the things that have haunted me, since being divorced, deployed, and displaced by life. Writing provides the opportunity for me to get closure on these issues.
The next three post for week 16 will be my closure, the best way that I know how, from a situation that I almost allowed to take my life.
The image that I would see was not perfect, but was continuously being perfected by accepting the sum total of painful parts that would make me whole.
This creative writing course guided me through being exposed, naked and vulnerable as my past and imperfections provided a platform for me to be introduced to Marlon P. Weaver. I now have the stregnth to deal with the things that have haunted me, since being divorced, deployed, and displaced by life. Writing provides the opportunity for me to get closure on these issues.
The next three post for week 16 will be my closure, the best way that I know how, from a situation that I almost allowed to take my life.
Theme Week 15 "Juxtification"
johngoldfine said...
I like the little subtle variations here from version to version, but what jumps out at me is that you have a project, a goal, something you really want to write about. That's excellent--my assignments are mostly blank pages the student fills in with his own material, and that's what I want you to do if you want to do it--figure out ways to write about your experiences that also fit my assignment.
Hey Marlon, I hate poetry (usually) but I have to confess to liking this very considerably. I can't do justice to all that I like tonight 'cause I'm nearly asleep, but I'll try tomorrow. Aw hell, I'll finish this tonight. Back in a few minutes. There's a place for this piece outside just a course blog. When you're rich and famous, don't forget to tell them about your great teacher at EM who taught you everything you know by the middle of week 2.
Neat for me to read all three at once and see the spin you decided to put on the assignment--I originally saw it as a movement from truth to enhanced truth to fact/fiction--but you've done something just as good, maybe better, which is to go from minimal to maximal, from barebones skeleton to totally fleshed out and alive. The last piece is a knockout with all its ministories, memories, details, visuals, and the progression of all three is instructive. Can I use this as a future sample or model of one way to approach the assignment?
I'm really appreciating the unpredictableness of what you're doing in the course--trying different kinds of things.
Nice for its seemingly effortless ability to glide through long stretches of time so gracefully. For its seemingly effortlessly ability to incorporate two lives into the setting. For its seemingly effortless ability to have the junkyard reflect the larger setting. For its paradoxical but completely satisfying ending. And, of course, for its fine straightforward descriptive passages.
It's strong, it's in your face, it can't be denied, and it is what it is without argument or qualification. Nothing I or anyone else could do or would want to do with it except read it a few times and enjoy it where it can be enjoyed for the sheer writing power of it and then not enjoy it when that same power makes you feel like shit for just the way of things.I mean I'd hate to offer Engteach type remarks--I have no standing to offer them. By 'no standing,' I don't mean: "Ooh, Marlon's in that other world, not my world, I can't comment." Not that at all--something else. It's the writing. Sometimes the best thing I do is not dream of touching or picking over or messing with or even commenting specifically on someone else's vision, passion, and strength. This is one of those cases.It pleases me more than you will ever know when a student uses my assignment to do something much better than I could ever dream up. This still isn't a character study, and thank god for that because it's something better, and something I don't have an easy name for.It humbles me, makes me ashamed a little, to see my assignment next to your self-assignment.
Quite a piece, strong narrative style, no words wasted but nothing we want to know not here. I'm reading a memoir right now by a man who fought in Burma during WW2 and his and your piece have the same quality of being hyper-photographic in detail. You both ace the kind of detail that creates a scene--the foggy lenses, the trmbling sergeant, the sardine line, and so on. (I just grabbed those randomly--the fact that it's so easy to grab them is the point; they're woven tightly through the piece.)When I get something as clean (meaning I have no suggestions) and muscular (no flab) as this, I hate to see it just sit on a course website without any further literary life...but I think I've said that to you before about other pieces.
That sting in the tail works for me--opens the door, really, to all sorts of speculation and burrows right into the reader's mind, which is part of the point of any kind of good writing. And despite all the different shifts and tricks, it all hangs together which is a trick I can't explain but it's there.
Hey Marlon--glad you're back.Thinking about your totality as a writer at this point in your writing career: I often use 'slick' as a compliment. I don't think I've ever said 'too slick' though, but now I'm going to.You really know what you're doing here, but is it what you really want to do? This is slick like a greeting card--it's professionally slick, it's very insinuating, it slips right past your guard. But I get the feeling it's just too darned easy for you, something you can always depend on, but--just a little too slick.So, yeah, even the good has its bad side. Thoughts for the Thought Book maybe.
I'm afraid to say a thing because I have no idea how seriously to take you.
Aw, marlon, 70 is one of those pieces that goes to places I can't follow, and since that's quite intentional here, I'd say you're meeting week 14 in style--taking risks.
This is one of those cases. It pleases me more than you will ever know when a student uses one o my assignment to do much better than I could ever dream up.
I like the little subtle variations here from version to version, but what jumps out at me is that you have a project, a goal, something you really want to write about. That's excellent--my assignments are mostly blank pages the student fills in with his own material, and that's what I want you to do if you want to do it--figure out ways to write about your experiences that also fit my assignment.
Hey Marlon, I hate poetry (usually) but I have to confess to liking this very considerably. I can't do justice to all that I like tonight 'cause I'm nearly asleep, but I'll try tomorrow. Aw hell, I'll finish this tonight. Back in a few minutes. There's a place for this piece outside just a course blog. When you're rich and famous, don't forget to tell them about your great teacher at EM who taught you everything you know by the middle of week 2.
Neat for me to read all three at once and see the spin you decided to put on the assignment--I originally saw it as a movement from truth to enhanced truth to fact/fiction--but you've done something just as good, maybe better, which is to go from minimal to maximal, from barebones skeleton to totally fleshed out and alive. The last piece is a knockout with all its ministories, memories, details, visuals, and the progression of all three is instructive. Can I use this as a future sample or model of one way to approach the assignment?
I'm really appreciating the unpredictableness of what you're doing in the course--trying different kinds of things.
Nice for its seemingly effortless ability to glide through long stretches of time so gracefully. For its seemingly effortlessly ability to incorporate two lives into the setting. For its seemingly effortless ability to have the junkyard reflect the larger setting. For its paradoxical but completely satisfying ending. And, of course, for its fine straightforward descriptive passages.
It's strong, it's in your face, it can't be denied, and it is what it is without argument or qualification. Nothing I or anyone else could do or would want to do with it except read it a few times and enjoy it where it can be enjoyed for the sheer writing power of it and then not enjoy it when that same power makes you feel like shit for just the way of things.I mean I'd hate to offer Engteach type remarks--I have no standing to offer them. By 'no standing,' I don't mean: "Ooh, Marlon's in that other world, not my world, I can't comment." Not that at all--something else. It's the writing. Sometimes the best thing I do is not dream of touching or picking over or messing with or even commenting specifically on someone else's vision, passion, and strength. This is one of those cases.It pleases me more than you will ever know when a student uses my assignment to do something much better than I could ever dream up. This still isn't a character study, and thank god for that because it's something better, and something I don't have an easy name for.It humbles me, makes me ashamed a little, to see my assignment next to your self-assignment.
Quite a piece, strong narrative style, no words wasted but nothing we want to know not here. I'm reading a memoir right now by a man who fought in Burma during WW2 and his and your piece have the same quality of being hyper-photographic in detail. You both ace the kind of detail that creates a scene--the foggy lenses, the trmbling sergeant, the sardine line, and so on. (I just grabbed those randomly--the fact that it's so easy to grab them is the point; they're woven tightly through the piece.)When I get something as clean (meaning I have no suggestions) and muscular (no flab) as this, I hate to see it just sit on a course website without any further literary life...but I think I've said that to you before about other pieces.
That sting in the tail works for me--opens the door, really, to all sorts of speculation and burrows right into the reader's mind, which is part of the point of any kind of good writing. And despite all the different shifts and tricks, it all hangs together which is a trick I can't explain but it's there.
Hey Marlon--glad you're back.Thinking about your totality as a writer at this point in your writing career: I often use 'slick' as a compliment. I don't think I've ever said 'too slick' though, but now I'm going to.You really know what you're doing here, but is it what you really want to do? This is slick like a greeting card--it's professionally slick, it's very insinuating, it slips right past your guard. But I get the feeling it's just too darned easy for you, something you can always depend on, but--just a little too slick.So, yeah, even the good has its bad side. Thoughts for the Thought Book maybe.
I'm afraid to say a thing because I have no idea how seriously to take you.
Aw, marlon, 70 is one of those pieces that goes to places I can't follow, and since that's quite intentional here, I'd say you're meeting week 14 in style--taking risks.
This is one of those cases. It pleases me more than you will ever know when a student uses one o my assignment to do much better than I could ever dream up.
Theme Week 15 "Juxt-asksing"
You start the semester with a journal. Keep your journal online on your own blog.
How did you get here?
what's really happening?
I'd love to save and use this in the future as a sample or model. Yes, no?
Sometimes--in fact, lots of times--writing comes alive when people are trotted out to speak and act. Writers have to listen to themselves; writers ought to always be talking to themselves.
Try...Just watch...what's going on.
Set that scene.
Wishing? Lying? Dreaming? Dancing? Boxing? Cooking? What is writing like for you?
Many a good story was told around a cavemens' campfire, or as medieval pilgrims wandered footsore, or in a cowboys' line shack with blizzards raging outside—without giving a thought, which is where you come in in Creative Nonfiction.
When you finally arrived, it was nothing like you imagined....
You're going to write about people a lot this semester: real people, people you know, people who worry you or make you laugh and cry, people who piss you off, people who are the reason you live. My fear with this theme is that in trying to write, you'll over-perform. A lot of time writing works as a piece of artistry (maybe even art!) because there is more there than meets the eye. A writer makes a point by not explicitly making a point.
It is a truth universally acknowledged.
Here's an example: Baseball legend Ty Cobb used to say, "Hit 'em where they ain't!"
Instead of twisting your mind into a pretzel, try something extremely straightforward and extremely useful.
"I am an English teacher. All English teachers lie. But I am telling you the truth."
If you juxtapose, and remember there are risky topics (Sex, drugs, rock and roll!), one can work successfully with and breathe life into something which seems DOA.
Is there irony in these?
How did you get here?
what's really happening?
I'd love to save and use this in the future as a sample or model. Yes, no?
Sometimes--in fact, lots of times--writing comes alive when people are trotted out to speak and act. Writers have to listen to themselves; writers ought to always be talking to themselves.
Try...Just watch...what's going on.
Set that scene.
Wishing? Lying? Dreaming? Dancing? Boxing? Cooking? What is writing like for you?
Many a good story was told around a cavemens' campfire, or as medieval pilgrims wandered footsore, or in a cowboys' line shack with blizzards raging outside—without giving a thought, which is where you come in in Creative Nonfiction.
When you finally arrived, it was nothing like you imagined....
You're going to write about people a lot this semester: real people, people you know, people who worry you or make you laugh and cry, people who piss you off, people who are the reason you live. My fear with this theme is that in trying to write, you'll over-perform. A lot of time writing works as a piece of artistry (maybe even art!) because there is more there than meets the eye. A writer makes a point by not explicitly making a point.
It is a truth universally acknowledged.
Here's an example: Baseball legend Ty Cobb used to say, "Hit 'em where they ain't!"
Instead of twisting your mind into a pretzel, try something extremely straightforward and extremely useful.
"I am an English teacher. All English teachers lie. But I am telling you the truth."
If you juxtapose, and remember there are risky topics (Sex, drugs, rock and roll!), one can work successfully with and breathe life into something which seems DOA.
Is there irony in these?
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